I was placing wedding cards inside the envelopes and ticking off the names that were on the cover. That was until I saw his name.
Sravan, it was written in a very beautiful handwriting, which she was about to get a lesson once this wedding was done. Her friend, Anusha, who was getting married, had a lot of friends who had various skills. She intended to learn as much as she can. That was what she thought till then. Once she saw his name, everything became blank.
It has been many years since she has last talked to him. Many days, moments passed after that. Some moments, which felt empty without him. Some moments, which only he could create. Many incidents happened in our lives since the moment that happened.
I never did understand what he felt towards me. Or more precisely, he never exactly showed what he felt towards me. He told that I was his best buddy, but to me it always felt more than that. What was the feeling, I never understood.
He was always to my rescue when I was in trouble. Always comforting me when I was sad. He never got tensed and always was cool. These were things that made me think that he was thinking of me as more than a friend. But after that incident, he became compelled to accept that he was thinking of me as more than a friend.
While I went to college, he was just a senior to me and he had started a morning job to support for himself. Even then, he used to listen to me rant about some random guy I had a crush on till there were just a few hours for him to sleep and go to his job. I came to know that one day, when he accidentally left his video on in our video call and I saw the plans in his room. He had a daily meeting at 9am and I used to talk to him till 5am. 4 hours to sleep, get dressed and leave for job. When I asked him, then he told me that he was doing a job for supporting himself. It was not much though, but it kept him satisfied. He used to get gifts for me.
How foolish was I! I came to know that few years after he left all of us. And his last words were “One day, you’ll realize that you were wrong about me and when that day comes, I will no longer be around”
I shared my opinion on him to my brother. My brother became furious, as always, and went to Sravan. He called both of us and gave an angry look to him. Sravan was baffled. My brother has accused him of loving me and he was denying that fact. Can’t he accept? Can’t he man up even now? I was thinking. Little did I know, what he actually felt about me.
Finally, he had to accept and once he accepted, he got a deadly blow to his head, from which it took him months to recover. I went to him after he was fully recovered. Although I was visiting him in between, he didn’t know anything. When he saw me, I saw a different feeling in his eyes. Fear, which he never had till then. I saw fear in his eyes. His heart rate increased rapidly. “Please, leave me. I can’t go through this for something I don’t feel. I never felt in that manner towards you and I never will. But if you still think I will feel like such, please leave me” He was begging me.
Idiot! Even now he doesn’t want to accept that he loves me. Well, he is not the only guy in this world. I thought and left.
It was only later that I understood. He WAS the only guy to whom I shared everything. The ONLY guy who knew everything about me. But being a popular girl, I didn’t need much time to find someone to share again. But he was different. Once he recovered, he sent me a letter, which read:
I have been your friend and I always wanted to be your friend. But due to some unpredictable circumstances, I had to leave this country, which means I will be away from you. I beg of you, please do not try to find me. I went through hell in the last few months. I lost my job, studies and I lost a lot of time. I am trying to leave everything. I hope you will be happy.
Live long and Prosper
And he left somewhere I don’t know. I came to know he was working in a very big company in LA, NYC, and after a few years, I heard he was in Sydney. Two years later, I came to know from my friend, Anusha, about his true feelings. That day, I realized, the size of the mistake I made. I lost a true friend forever. A person, who knew everything in my life. He knew when I will be sad and used to send something that will make me happy.
How he used to do that, I’ll never figure out. But his words were true. The day I realized I was wrong about him, he wasn’t there around.
I decided to mend things with him, once he arrived at the wedding.
I will. He will definitely accept me as his friend.
I hope so.