Disclaimer: This post is entirely fiction and has to be treated as such. Any resemblance to real life incident or people is just a coincidence.
I was walking on the very same road, that 4 years ago, I was afraid to step on. After that incident, life has taken a different turn for me. That was the day I faced one of my biggest failures in my life. Still to this day, I am afraid to walk the road that I stepped on that day. That was the day I was thrashed. I was on a small work there and due to some unforeseen circumstances I was thrashed that day. A kind soul has rescued me and made sure I reached home safely, but to this day, my blood boils as I think of that day. And even to this day, sometimes I dream that I can take my revenge on them.
It all started after I got thrashed. I safely reached back and I couldn’t forget that incident. My blood was boiling with anger as I was unable to help myself from not getting thrashed. Was it my mistake that I got thrashed? No. The reason they thrashed me was because I was with two other girls, who ran away when they saw those guys approach. Was it my mistake that I couldn’t defend myself? Yes. That was my mistake. I could have defended myself, but I didn’t.
Since that night I have stopped one thing. Going out with girls. And to this day, sometimes I look back and think, should I have stopped that? I feel bad that I had done that. That I had failed in saving myself. Friends told me that I should be proud that I stood up for them, but how would they understand that I failed to stand up for myself? When would they understand the fact that I have failed myself and that had become a great regret to me in my life? That sometimes I stay up in the night thinking of how differently the day might have gone. That I would give anything to take my revenge over them. That sometimes I wish I had a chance to redeem myself from the blame I put on myself whenever I think of that day.
And today, I have got the chance. I have no idea if I would get a chance like this ever again, and even if I did, I have no idea how many days I have to wait for that. And how much more I have to subject myself to the guilt. How many more days do I have to blame myself for that day? Since that day I haven’t been able to trust anyone. I’ve been afraid of meeting new people, in the fear that something bad might occur. It took me a lot of time to even come out of it. I think I have been out of the guilt and the feeling, but sometimes even to this day, it haunts me and mocks me in its finest voice. And every moment with it, is a nightmare. A nightmare I cannot avoid.
But today, I have got the chance. I could see those familiar faces out there in the dark. I could make them out from their silhouettes in the dark. There was no mistake that they were the same people that I had failed to defend myself from that day. I don’t know if they remember me, but I guess they don’t. It was me who went through a trauma, not them. It was me who was waiting for this encounter, not them. I had my chance today. And I will not let it go. I had to be careful, I first thought. But me being careful, would that make a difference to what happened? No, it wouldn’t. I had to act on impulse here.
And my emotions took over the control from my brain. They knew trusting my brain in a situation like this would put me in a situation like the previous one. Emotions took over the control and everything looked like a blur for a while. And I regained my senses. Everything looked possible. Even scaling mount Everest. I didn’t understand why I never gave my emotions a chance to take control of myself. And with that energy, I took out the knife I had been hiding in my pocket, waiting for this encounter.
I got the feeling that tonight is not going to be a night I would see myself as. And as my brain was thinking that, my hands moved on their own. A cry came from near me. And in the time it took my brain to process what happened there, my emotions have made another move. Everything was moving in a blur. There was some fluid on my hands and it was warm. What fluid could it be? It didn’t take long after that for my brain to process. I had stabbed one of them. They were so high from alcohol that they couldn’t even see me.
This was a right time to attack. And I knew that. There was not much time that I could spend here. I should use the time in such a way that I take my revenge on them, even though they don’t know about that. The point was to get my revenge and not who did that to them. That was the entire idea. I could see all three of them before and now, one of them was down. And for good. I couldn’t feel a pulse on him. I knew that I had made my mark. I could get into trouble if this was not executed properly. There were two more that I had to finish off.
My brain had no power to take control of my life and my emotions are still in control of my body. They are not making it any easy and nothing would cool them except for the task that I had to finish. And within a few minutes, even the others fell down to the ground. With the line crossed at killing one person, the dare in me had gone up and with that I had stabbed them right in the neck. But my anger didn’t stop there and I found myself stabbing them at every part in their bodies. My anger was not cooling down and my brain was getting worried. What have I turned into?
In the darkness of the night I have taken my revenge on the people who made me feel like shit all those years ago. And today, they are no more. My anger has cooled down. And I feel happy again. After a long time, I feel satisfied with my life.