Day 8 – A list

So today’s task is to write a list. Any list. But what is a list that I could create? What list could I write?

A to-do list? But what would you do with the to-do list?

A wish list? I really don’t have a wish list. The one thing that I want to do in my life, I am already doing it.

A regret list? That makes sense, but brooding over my past, hoping it might have been in a different way? What sense would that make? Would that reduce the agony I go through sometimes? No. It wouldn’t. It wouldn’t reduce the agony. Neither would it make it more possible that my life was different than it already is possible. It might serve as a pointer for you, so that you don’t go through the same thing. That might be the reason I am writing this list.

My regret list. It is going to be honest, so just go through them.

Sometimes I wish, I don’t think too much. I have a problem with thinking. I think too much. I am the kind of guy, who could get a philosophical lesson from a pen, just by looking at it. You might wonder why. Many things collate and they end up in becoming some kind of lesson. Sometimes I wish, I don’t think too much. I have thought out scenarios which are not possible, scenarios which I hoped would be possible, but never acted on them.

Sometimes I wish, I act on my thoughts. I have a lot of thoughts. Thoughts that could change the world, or that is what I think. I could make a change in myself, my surroundings, my life, if I act on my thoughts. But alas, I don’t. I dream new things. I end up doing the same old things. Not that they are boring. But I feel bad that I have thoughts that end up in the bin in my brain, because I was too afraid to act.

Sometimes I wish, I read more. I used to read a lot. A lot. But now, I do things which are not necessary and end up not reading the books I want to read. I try to read as much as I can, but as much as I read is not enough for what I want to learn.

Sometimes I wish, I had more energy. After my work, I go back home, and even though I am active, I end up sleeping in a while. I wake up during midnight, try to write something, go back to sleep. I, then wake up late in the day, rush to office and the routine repeats. I wish I dedicate time and energy towards all aspects of my life.

Sometimes I wish, I write more than I do now. Writing keeps me sane. And the days that I don’t write, I can see myself falling into the abyss of insanity. My life never revolved around anything like it is revolving around writing now. Never did I look forward to writing as much as I do now. Never did I hope I would be a writer, as much as I hope now. And now, that I am on the path of a writer, I feel alive.

I want every part of my day to be as conscious and alive as I can. Even though there is a routine, that my work hours are fixed, there is a different thing every day which I look forward to. Some magic happens every day in my life and that keeps me going. Even on the days when everything looks bleak, there is some magic which makes my day. Sometimes, literally.

We might share some of these regrets. But remember, there is always hope. Regret comes when we know that we could have done something better. And that is a sign on growing up. Although regret is something we don’t want, it does help us grow.

 

Surya

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