On Hope

I feel weightless. I can sense that I am moving, but to where? And in which direction? Left, right? Or is it up or down? If it was up, then wouldn’t I feel some force on me downwards? Or was it downwards? If it was downwards, wouldn’t I be able to feel that? How long have I been falling? Why is everything around me is dark? Where am I? Why am I falling backwards? Why am I unable to get up? Why are my hands stuck?

It took me a long time to understand where I was and where I was going to. And once it struck me, fear started in me. Fear, of the one thing I never wanted to feel. I was going down into the abyss of insanity. By the time I understood that, I was even deeper than I was. Why am I falling into this? And there it appeared. The answer I was looking for. I could see an open book, which was waiting to be written going up. It felt as it was leaving me and going away. I tried getting a hold of it. It was one of the escape gates from which I can go back to the land of sanity.

But alas, before I could get a hold on it, it sped up and left me in a hurry. I am not sure if I could get anymore escape gateways after this. What if I don’t? What if I end up in this abyss of insanity? It is a scary thought. And it happening around me is even scarier.

As the thoughts started getting even scarier, I could see a ray of light. A glimpse of hope. I squinted to see clearly what they were. They were the words that I have penned down a long time ago. They were the words that were left on the bookshelf after I had decided that they are not worth reading by anyone. Even though I have rejected them, they haven’t left me. They came to my rescue.

A word came to me. It was “hello”. As I climbed it, it took me up to another word, floating above the distance. I said hello back to the word and it shone brighter. I think it became happy at what I have said. And came the next word “how”. It was a small ride before I reached the next word “are”. Same with “you?”. It had a question mark at the end. It was asking me how I was. When it was asking me that after all these days I have rejected it, tears flowed from my eyes. The very words that I have rejected, have come back to me. And they are taking me to the plain of sanity.

I made a mental note of all of the words and was answering each of them. It was an absolute surprise to me how they could help me in this darkest of situations. And the conversation went like this. Word by word.

Me: I am good. How are you guys?

Words: We…are…good.

Me: I am sorry I thought you were useless

Words: You…have…the…right…We…were…not…as…great…as…you…expected…us…to…be.

Me: I made you feel so bad. Then why did you come back for me?

Words: We…can…never…leave…you…You…are…our…creator.

Me: (almost in tears) I would never leave you again

Words: That…we…have…expected…We…will…always…be…there….to…protect…you…from…this…danger

I couldn’t stop crying at their words. They have understood my emotion and didn’t ask me more questions. One last word change happened. “Danger” gave way to another word “hope” and it has taken me to the light.

The most ironic moment in my life was that. The words that I have given up hope on, have come back to give me hope.

What could be more wonderful than this? What could I be more grateful for in this world? I will never leave you again ever, I promised to myself, as I descended the

PS: This was a dream that I had a while ago. Today’s task in the 500 day challenge was hope. Talking about the insecurities and the fears that I have and inspiring you with hope. My biggest fear in life is that I would end up being insane. Walking on the border of insanity, that is a great possibility. And words are the ropes that hold me to the land of sanity.

What could be greater than the power of words? Who could be more influential than a writer? To all of the writers out there, I salute you. You are the greatest.

Surya

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